Life's moral

Someone said this to me: "自己选的路 跪着也要走完"

I shall keep this in my mind for every decision i made.

Sent from Samsung mobile

Happy Birthday :)

Here is the birthday girl <3 A million thanks to her!

With Fang Yu!

With Eunice!

Happy Birthday! Best Wishes! *love love*

A chio camwhore to push the words down! :D

PS:// For interested folks, if you were to have a meal at Swensen on your birthday, show them your NIRC for a free complimentay Icecream! ^^
Pss:// The void deck hold great memories for me! It was where my bff, Shiya, spent time coaching me in my maths during O' Level >..< And the last time here was to choing Maths with Xueqi and Petrine.

Psycho Facts 2

Listening Skills

This is my own notes during Psy lesson. Do read it.

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1) Listening

è Different from hearing

è Able to empathy with other

è Built trust-> willing to open up to the listener

Betrayer of trust? -> If you disclose information to other peoples.

2) Barrier to communication

Diagnosing -> I THINK you should….

Moralizing -> As a friend/ counselors you should not imposed your moral value on them but to let them make their decision (eg: abortion vs giving birth)

Excessive questioning -> more interested in questioning then listening to question -> feel like you are more kpo than concern

Advising -> why do people  asks advise  when they do not hear their advice -> cause the answer they want is not clear cut -> do not want to choose

When people come for advice, they do not want your advice, they just want your support. So shut up and listen. Occasionally, prompt them with open question to show that you are interested.

Diverting -> divert from topic (or people) you are not interested or comfortable with. If u divert from people, they might lose trust in you and feel you are not keen to support them

Emotional support -> “I understand how you feel, I been thru this incident” -> Do NOT say you understand them, cause you DON’T. And it is not about YOU, it is about them so don’t tell them your stories unless they want to hear.

Logical argument -> acting out the feeling is not the same as expressing the feeling.  Eg: showing their anger but not punching. -> people should learn to show that they are angry rather than surpassing it.

“I don’t know” -> suppress feeling, not aware of the feeling.

Reassuring -> don’t bother saying: “things will turn out fine, everything will be okay” -> cause for the person she will feel very upset about the incident and IT IS NOT OKAY

Eg: If your friend tell you that she suspects her mother is having an affair, and she could not tell the father? -> how to handle: cant reassure, cant divert, cant advise -> Let them vent -> express bottle upemotion (how scary, her emotion, her reaction) ; 

Counselor ->must know what to say and when to say. Help to prompt them to open up with prying their boundary.

 Can you be emotional supportive to them? Psychological attentions without interrupting -> staying with them rather than spacing out?  Feel their suffering; People will talk to you if they trust and feel that u understand them

 eg: breakup. the pain is real, it affects what u think of yourselve and confidence level. (are you lovable?) and not just losing someone.

3 main skill sets

posture of involvement -> lay back. Don’t go to near or u will intrude their personal space

Appropriate body motion. if someone have similar rapport -> will be in sync to each other -> match and mirror  

Eyes tell a lot: Paiseh to have eye contact -> match by not looking at her eye contact

Match their energy. If they are depress and toking softly, you should talk softly too to build rapport

If the person is silent, just let them have the peace, do not push

Are they leaning in to you or distant? -> Have you said something wrong? Or able to let them explore their feeling -> should you lean forward or backward?

build rapport by: match them -> lead them

Eg) couple quarrel -> not sync to each other -> will not have eye contact unless intimidation (glare), keep distance from each other

Eg) lecturer happy with ppt -> smile , eye contact, muscle on  the face, more relax  vs not happy -> look at paper, frowning, questioning look

However, in some case if you match anger with anger, it will escalate the argument -> should use non violent communication.

Paraphrase -> short summary of what said, but should not leave out important, minor details

The level of trust in a group drop to the lowest level of trust in between two people -> should be aware of who you called into the group conversation

How to encourage someone to share more? When the person gives you an answer, u must invite for him to talk more. -> ask an open question. -> do not ask too many question at a time

If they suddenly keep quiet and look down -> they are reflecting (you have mention something they never thought about -> leading to internal battle, or that they dun wan to elaborate more -> give them sometimes before asking infrequent open questions ( vs close qn -> yes or no )

Eg) Why do you want to run this race? What does it means to you?

Suggest ways for them to be able to find solutions for themselves rather than “advising” them on ways to do it.

Meta procressing -> what do you think is going on with our friendship right now. -> very personal

Eg) You friend is ignoring u -> You approach him asking if he is angry with u or if he want to talk about it -> he answered coldy:  “no, fullstop”  ->Should solve by telling him what u feel

Eg: I feel OUR friendship have changed -> don’t mentioned negative point -> give examples of changes ( lwe used to be hanging out all the time)  -> focus on how u feel (eg: I don’t know, maybe I am too insensitive? I really treasure our friendship and it really hurt me that we had become this way)

Use common and neutral words ( WE, OUR) -> make yourself sound vulnerable

When you focus on certain things (-ve) -> that become your reality and the only things you see

What you are feeding you mind   -> If you have good view of people -> positiveness is what you feel

Eg) People are more interested in negative news -> exposed to the fact that there are many violent -> feel that the world is very negative

Have to be becareful with how you speak -> habit form by your parents (language pattern)

Violent Communication - > feeling like you have been attacked-> with the tone, the body language (sarcastic) -> react by defensing with aggression -> escalate argument

Non Violent Communication -> 4 key ingredient

1)Observation -> observe their reaction and changing your style to suit the person need -> size up the person and embed things into the self-conscious of others -> OBSERVE THEIR REACTION

2) Feelings -> react before you think -> eg angry when someone goes against your value -> if approach wrongly the person might ended up being defensive

The louder he goes, the softer and the slower voice you should use -> if someone is sick of the argument, will choose to walk off -> problem not solve

Sometime anger/ fear is used to mask sadness and helplessness.  -> everyone have the need for sense of belonging , achievement and freedom  -> must identify these need in order to request directly

Psycho Facts 1

This is something which i learnt during Psy lesson.

And i saw it on Tumblr: thenurseinpink: 

This ain't mine, if i bothered enough, i shall find my own notes on defense mechanism.

I done quite a few including isolation, regression, displacement, reaction formation, rationalization and denial.

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Defense mechanisms are things people use when they are anxious or in response to a threat (situations). 

Here are some of them:

1. Suppression

deliberately forgetting an event

2. Repression

unconsciously forgetting a hurtful event

3. Dissociation/ Amnesia

forgetting one’s self identity

4. Isolation

separation of the feeling or emotion from the thought of an event

5. Regression

manifests behavior expected at an early stage - child behavior (example: thumbsucking, bed wetting)

6. Displacement

transferring a feeling to a less threatening object

(example: Punching the wall because he cannot punch the object of his anger)

7. Projection

throwing off to someone what one cannot accept as his

(example: Person A says to Person B: You are so arrogant. When in fact it is Person A who is arrogant.)

This can also be said as blaming someone else for your own doings.

8. Undoing

repairing or making amends

(Boyfriend shouts as his girlfriend. Later on, he brings her a bunch of roses and chocolates to apologize)

9. Reaction Formation

showing the exact opposite of what one feels/ desires

(A person is very happy but he shouts at everyone)

10. Compensation

exaggerating a trait to cover for an inadequacy

(one excels so much in sports because he knows he cannot do well in class)

11. Conversion

expressing one’s feelings or traits through the body

(A man who witnessed a murder cannot overcome what he saw and then he suddenly became blind)

12. Rationalization

using a reason which is not the real reason to justify

(A student saying that he takes drugs because it helps him focus more on school)

13. Denial

refusal to acknowledge a painful reality

I think that of all the coping mechanisms, this is the one most used. This is also the first stage in the 5 stages of grief as stated by Kubler-Ross.  -> 1) Denial & Isolation 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5) Acceptance

Example: Boyfriend broke up with his girlfriend. Girlfriend denies the break up and continues doing things for boyfriend like cooking for him, texting him, still calling him, etc.