Im writing this with a slightly heavy heart because, last year this time, 我真的很快乐。2013 was really a great year in contrast to 2014. Hence, I really don't look forward to 2015. I do not have the confident that it would be good.
They said "new year is a new beginning to change the things you do not like. To put down the past and work toward a brighter future." I agree with that. I can choose to be happy and move on. Yet regardless being the new year or not, the past still come back every once in a while to taunt me. The new year make me more fearful because it highlight how I have been trying hard for the past months to make my everyday counts. But I really lack the courage to think of the next 365 days. *shudder* In addition, it is my final exam in May. What next? I do not have confidence to face the uncertainty lying in front nor the pressure to face the reality of a new challenging phrase. Will I be able to handle it? Sighhh... May I have the courage to pull through.
I suddenly remembered I once tweeted how I wanted to be soft spoken, demure and being careful/ mindful of my surrounding. The opposite characteristics are those which others would define me as. I feel so lacking how I'm constantly making mistakes accidentally, forgetting this and that, getting lost, spilling things. Even if these characteristics are acceptable now, they would be less tolerated in future when more responsibility are expected of me. So this year, I want to stop being me. To grow up rather than be so "childlike"
Despite saying that, I wish to be able to remain straightforward toward how I feel and to be able to act in accordance to them. 我不想伪装。To be someone I'm not just to please another person. "做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃. 在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真的真正可笑." Life is already tough as it is. And it is a joke if one is unable to stay true to himself.
In 2015, i wish for happiness. Since young, i choose happiness above health, fame or wealth. I want to be seen as the same cheerful and happy go lucky girl that I used to be. I hate been seen as emo, or being labelled as constantly upset =.=" I am just more straightforward in my emotions. I feel a lot rather than think a lot. More often then not, I don't even know why I'm feeling upset. I need to ponder for the reasons or the unhappy feeling will accumulate and ramble inside me. But after figuring out, putting them into comprehensive words and expressing it out, I can place the unhappy thoughts aside. While this may sounds quite emo, I'm not! Just like how I can be tremendously upset, I realise I'm able to find simple happiness toward little things in life. I realise it is a great gift to be able to truly feel joy and appreciation toward the people and things life had endowed me with. #blessed
Lastly, I really wish to be able to be stronger both mentally and physically than what I'm now. I really admire (and even envy) those that dare to take up challenges, to step out of their comfort zone and to improve and become someone better than they already were. The way they are, seem so mature yet their level also seem so unobtainable. I want to improve myself, master more skills, expand my horizon and accept different experiences. I want to become someone that has make her life counts and to be able to feel proud of herself.
Other standard new year resolution is to strive hard for my final exam and to reduce/ maintain my ideal weight :D May 2015 be a great year for me and my loved ones *cross fingers*
